I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
