I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
