you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
