I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
