I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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