Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
