Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
