I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize