Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
