I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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