omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
