I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
