I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
