My nipple is on Facebook.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
