We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
