he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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