My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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