I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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