The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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