i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
