I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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