if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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