that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
