i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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