So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
