I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
