Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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