You can't special order awesome
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
