how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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