She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
