This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
