im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
