4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We need to get me chipped asap
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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