Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
