Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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