i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
