i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
