I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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