If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
