please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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