Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
