I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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