aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
