Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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