Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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