a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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