my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
