My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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