Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
