oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my shit smells like andre
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
