Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
