I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
