She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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