lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
