My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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