i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
