I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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