Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
