So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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