In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
