my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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