My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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