I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
