Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
