As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
